Unkind universe

I wish I had good news to post, but I do not. Today's ultrasound showed almost exactly the same thing that my 7-week ultrasound did last time.

The main difference: this pregnancy started off as identical twins (thus explaining the high HCG numbers), but one twin is very small and has no heartbeat. Unfortunately, the surviving twin is one week too small (measuring 6w1d, as opposed to 7w1d) and has a slow heartbeat (115 -- they'd like to see it at 140). My doctor gave me a 95 percent chance of miscarrying. I am scheduled to go back in a week to see if anything's improved, but this embryo basically grew 2 days worth in 8 days based on the last ultrasound.

If I end up having a D&C, they'll run some tests on the tissue to see if they can figure out what went wrong. (I wasn't able to do that last time, since I passed the bulk of the pregnancy before the D&C.)

I am in complete shock. I was so sure this one was going to work -- I feel more pregnant than last time, and I just felt the universe couldn't do this to me twice. Apparently, I was wrong. I simply cannot believe this is happening again.

Countdown

Last week I came home from a super-relaxing yoga class and noticed some spotting. Of course I totally freaked out, even though the amount was small. I've been having menstrual-like cramps throughout this pregnancy, which didn't worry me until I saw the spotting.

I called the doctor's office and was told to monitor the spotting and call if my cramps or spotting worsened. The spotting went away for a bit, but when it came back I called my doctor's office and was able to go in for an ultrasound. (On a Sunday morning -- I am very lucky.)

I was six weeks exactly, and there was some good news: first, I am indeed pregnant; second, the pregnancy is in the uterus, and third, the embryo measured 5 weeks 6 days (the machine has an error rate of plus/minus 4 days), which is perfect. We didn't see a heartbeat, which the doctor said was okay because it was a little early (he said seeing a heartbeat would have been "a bonus"). But seeing that ultrasound was a huge relief. At least now I know what not to expect next Monday, when I have my next appointment.

I have faith this is going to work. I definitely have pregnancy symptoms -- crazy tender breasts, a bit of nausea, fatigue, low energy, crankiness. The spotting is gone, and here's hoping I can remain calm for the next six days and two hours.

Second blood test is back

They want your numbers to double in 48 hours. Mine TRIPLED!

My HCG level was 520 on Tuesday and was 1,564 yesterday.

I'll have an ultrasound (the viability check -- the appointment that showed the problem last time) on April 23.

Thank you for your kind wishes. They mean a lot to me.

First blood test

It's back, and my HCG level at 16 days past conception/ovulation is 520. I'm going back on Thursday for a second round. Cross your fingers that it rises nicely!

A picture's worth, etc.