Monday, February 18, 2008

Bumps

If you ever want to see how differently human bodies carry extra weight, watch an episode of The Biggest Loser. The incredibly brave contestants bare almost all to get weighed each week, and what you'll see as they disrobe is how differently a few dozen or hundred extra pounds sits on different people.

The secret of weight loss, of course, is that if you have carried extra pounds for a long time, your skin doesn't just magically turn back into the smooth 22-year-old body you were hoping for. Skin remembers. Combine its extended stay in an extended format with whatever extra pounds you didn't lose, and your slimmer figure will be distinctly, well, lumpy.

There are two reasons I haven't put a baby bump photo on this site. First, I'm way too self-conscious to show that, because second, my baby bump is distinctly unsatisfying. Almost 22 weeks into this pregnancy, I don't really look visibly pregnant unless I'm wearing precisely the right outfit. Instead, I just look fat(ter).

You see, I naturally have two bellies -- a bit of belly above my waist (which, it seems, is where the majority of the 12 lbs I've gained so far have taken up residence) and a bit below. Now both areas are noticeably bigger than they were pre-pregnancy, but I'd be much happier if I only had the one below my waist -- the baby bump I'm supposed to have. Instead, I'm watching my usually defined waist gradually disappear, and eventually my two bellies (one fat, one baby) will meet. And then, I'm sure, I'll look quite pregnant.

Last week, a co-worker who was late to the big news figured it out and tried to touch my belly, I nearly bit her head off. I'm self-conscious about not having the right baby bump. And why wouldn't I be? Everyone else is -- just pick up a celebrity magazine and look for its "Bump Watch" section. Half the time the photos they print aren't even of people who are pregnant; they just had the nerve to breathe when the photo was taken. Earth to photo editors: that's not an embryo; it's a pelvis!

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

I feel ya. I was freakin' pregnant with twins and I can't tell you how many people looked at me disbelieving that I was pregnant with ONE much less TWO. It wasn't until I was 37+ weeks preg and wearing obvious maternity clothes that I perhaps looked like there might be something other than just fat there. (At least two people who worked at places I have patronized regularly for YEARS looked at me when I walked in with my little ones recently and asked, "Whose are those?")

Good luck with your "Bump Watch."

mrsbluemont said...

There is no "supposed to have" bump love. Whatever you look like at the moment I'm sure is right for your babe. You'll pop before you know it. Don't worry about it too much and be proud of how incredible your body is getting you knocked up in the first place! And if anyone tries to touch your belly again, you have my permission to take them out. oxxo